First Night Alone

Last night was strange. Kathy was there until about 7:30 and then left for her apartment, which is about 30 minutes away. What the hell do I do now! This is the first time we have not technically lived in the same house or apartment since October 1990. Just me and the kids. I decided to do what I usually do at night. I got my clothes together for the next day of work, get my bed ready for sleeping, had something to eat and watched some TV with the girls until they went to bed at 9:00. I even watched "Idol" with them because they love it and I promised Kathy I would spend more time with them in the evenings. I even kind of enjoyed the show (yes, I am ashamed to admit that). 9:00 came, they went to bed and I watched my favorite show "House" by myself. After that I attempted to got to sleep but I just couldn't do it. Too much running through my brain and wondering how Kathy was doing her first night in her own place, no TV, no internet, no food and no family. I wanted to call to see how she was doing but decided against it. I'm sure she did fine and I did finally fall asleep around midnight.

Today I am going to get a consult with a divorce lawyer at the advice and expense of my father. Not so much to make sure Kathy doesn't get too much. He is thinking about the girls. I want to buy Kathy out of the house and stay there. I think the girls should have a home to call home instead of being shuffled back and forth between two apartments. That, plus I have about $250,000 of equity into the place and would hate to sell in a down market. I need to see how much in child support and alimony I will most likely end up paying and see what kind of refinance I can get. I really didn't want lawyers to get involved and hopefully the 2 we hired can take care of it quickly and easily and Kathy and I can have very little involvement. She still wants her space for now and I guess I need to get used to being single. I finally took off my ring. I keep hers and mine on a chain in my bedroom and there they will stay. I will always love her and hope we can be the best of friends someday. She told me last night that she doesn't hate me (she told me she did last week). I believe her. We loved each other for too long for her to hate me, even though she fell out of love with me about 2 years ago. Time to let her go, but I will always love her.

Enough for now. I'll report of the lawyer visit at a later date.